EMBRACING YOUR BATTLE SCARS
10:26 PM"Who gives a damn about your first love? Give a big round of applause for your second love. Because they taught you love still exists, after you thought it never could again."
Okay, so I'm gonna set aside all the fashion lingo for now and just talk about the matters of the heart. I ponder sometimes too, just so you know. I just get lost in this certain moment where I stare blankly and remember random experiences I've had in the past. Recently, it just occurred to me how much of a relief it has been to be finally in a relationship with someone who you know you're ready to be with and who is also ready to be with you. It's like being able to breathe a new kind of air, a better one.
There are times when I just couldn't help but remember my previous relationships. Well, you couldn't help but compare, that's pretty normal. The thing about all this pondering is that I've realized that you could learn a lot from heartbreaks, from battle scars you got because of love. Believe me when I say that our battle scars could also be our saving grace. I'm not saying that my present relationship is a perfect one. It definitely has flaws, like any other relationship there is, but the most beautiful thing about having gone through breakups in the past will make you learn how to treasure or appreciate the present. To make that short, you gotta know what you have.
I was able to sum up a few things after all these realizations. One of which is that you learn what your deal-breakers are. People break up for a lot of reasons, sometimes petty ones, sometimes serious issues, and mostly everything in between. If you cannot see yourself growing old with someone who doesn't make an effort to compromise, especially when it concerns with things that could easily impact the rest of your life, then that's okay. It's not worth the effort if it's compromising something that's important in your life. It might work out for a while, but as time will pass, those are going to become issues that might just catch up with your relationship in the future.
I'm not an expert when it comes to relationships but I surely learned a thing or two about being in one. The next thing is that you learn how to cope with minor fights. Because that's just it, you can now tell if it's a minor problem or not. Just because he forgot to get you something for your monthsary, forgot to text you where he is or he pissed you off for the most shallow reasons isn't something you should use to break up with him. When you learn how to cope up with things like this, you use your coping mechanisms such as go eat at your favorite restaurant, go for a run, grabbing a drink with a friend. Being as human as we are, we get mad or emotional due to the most petty reasons and end up saying the wrong things plus regretting them after when we get back to our senses. Well, if you want something to really work, you really have to work through whatever small miscommunication set you off.
Solitude can sometimes be a pretty good thing. When I said that our battle scars could be our saving grace, I do mean it. You never know how much being "single" could help you and bring meaning to your life. Yes, breakups do hurt but the life of being single could just be the most independent and craziest time of your life. Have you ever wondered how most people nowadays prefer not to be in serious relationships? One main reason is because they're still afraid to commit and they're not just ready yet. And that's a good thing because you're still exploring your options. You're taking the time to get to know your likes and dislikes, your priorities, who you want to be or who you want to be with. So don't ever get pressured about society's take on relationships. Take your time, enjoy the single life because love will find you eventually. Have faith in that.
I'm embracing my battle scars right now, more than ever. Because without it, I will never be able to figure these things out. I also thought about how you get practice in putting someone else's needs before your own. When you practice being selfless, you won't realize it but it will just might come much more naturally to you. I'm aware of these things because I used to be a somewhat of a narcissist myself. It takes two to tango. If you're aware that you haven't given that much attention and love to your partner or you're too focused on yourself, then you better do something about that. It's not all the time people can put up with that kind of personality. If you got someone who does, you're seriously lucky. But hey, never abuse that person's patience. You never know what might just come up in the picture.
And of course, last but not the least, and also the most fulfilling thing about all this is that you learn how to be vulnerable and share your wounds with someone else. I guess the best part of being human is that we're in this world to save each other from ourselves. And believe me when I tell you that this is one of the reasons why I'm in a relationship right now. Slowly, it's all going to be better in the end. It took a long time for me to get in a commitment again after my previous one. At first, it's going to make you feel like you never want to get in another relationship again. Believe me, I've had my share of that. We all have our stories to tell though. But the whole point of it is that as time passes by, you begin to unpack all of the deep wounds inflicted by other people, as you share and explain why you're vulnerable and hurt and scared sometimes. You might just realize that you're not the only person who's having that same wound, who's carrying those scars. And it's in those vulnerable moments that you can heal together, and maybe even find love. Because after all, it works in mysterious ways.
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