LIFE AS OF THE MOMENT
9:20 AMSo it seems like I haven't blogged for a while now obviously. It has been like three months and a half since my last post which was still dated before my first week of classes in law school. Well, I guess this is the result of that reckless act of making up my mind. So much has happened since June already. Most of the things that happened were actually strange, some things remained just as they were.
Life as of the moment, when I put into a feeling, is in a series of constant change. Well, you know what they always say, the only constant thing in life is change. I just couldn't believe that this kind of change would actually happen to me in such a short period of time. You know that difference when your friends tell you you've changed and when you yourself have noticed something in you that changed? Well, I find it really difficult for me to notice something new about myself. I guess that's because you know yourself better than anyone else which must be why it would be a strange thing when you find yourself doing things that you never thought of doing at all.
Allow me to rant a little about my life after my first few months in taking up Law. It has been a mixture of frustration, tension, and all those emotions you could think of which will really test you if you're determined enough for this profession. I have actually experienced the word frustration for the first time in a long time. It is seldom that I get frustrated after studying for a long test only to be given an exam which will only confuse you more and you end up answering whatever you have studied or read about. And the worst thing is, when the questions get really kinda complicated, your answers kinda get complicated too. The higher year levels say this is pretty normal. But do you know why I get frustrated? Because I never really studied that much till now, even during my Nursing (undergrad) years. Call me a lazyass or what, I have never ever finished a page or a chapter in my Nursing books at all. I never really invested so much of my time in reading unless the situation really calls for it or only when I'm really interested about the reading material. Oh well, this probably answers why I never excelled in that course though. Anyway, it's just frustrating, okay?
The tension also comes along too. Law school requires lots of oral recitations, writing exercises and essay-type exams. It's important that every day you should at least have an idea about the current events or the provisions you might just tackle about. You never know you could be the first person who gets to be called during class and believe me, most of the professors are brutal! My Dad, being a lawyer before becoming a politician, always told me to read ahead of the current topic. This voice in my head always wanted to tell him, "But Dad, there's so much to read in a chapter already. And I have to read ahead?!" But I never blurted that out, he probably would just argue with me and tell me to just listen to what he tells me since he had already been there. And guess what, he was right. Well, well.
And there goes my list of other adjectives as I got into this career. It helps that I met a lot of friends too. Most of them are really friendly and it's great that you have people who will get to understand you because they're going through the same things with you. All that humiliation you will get to experience in class, well, most of them get to experience it too which makes it more fun. Some are also very competitive too but I know that there will always be people like that everywhere, even when you're not in law school. So far, I learned that it's best to be with people who encourage you and help you instead of competing with you. In my book, those are the people I would definitely love to stick with.
Now, here comes the change I've been talking about. During the past few years of my youth, I have always been the wild child. I could still remember last summer when my life was still in a topsy turvy condition. I partied a lot and I would go home during the wee hours of the morning. It would even come to a point when my Dad would ask some people like the police to look for me. I never took my studies that seriously and I never even took the time to rethink what I really wanted to do about my life. I was too addicted to the carefree life. I never cared about my priorities and I have always been known to make the most reckless choices. I have always been somewhat of a troublemaker in the family and I'm not really proud of that but I'm not denying that either. I made lots of mistakes back then and I let my loved ones down. The one thing I'm really praying about is that I get to do something good about this life right now. And even though I can't undo the things I've done before, hopefully now would be a good step to make up for all of it.
But hey, let me tell you that being used to failure has become somewhat of an advantage for me in this profession. I've been through the worst when it comes to taking exams, believe me. And whenever there comes a point in a certain subject where I didn't get a good grade, I just shrug to myself and say that this isn't something new to me at all. I'm not saying that I should leave it that way but if ever the result of that exam won't be good, I know I have to do better next time. I'm not going to feel bad at all and complain so much because I know this feeling already. As shitty as it sounds, that's the truth. I'm not going to be ashamed of failure anymore because one day, they might just be your opportunity to begin again and build your character which will eventually lead you to your success. I remember this quote I read in Tumblr which says that, "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." This I should always bear in mind as I go through this rough path.
But hey, let me tell you that being used to failure has become somewhat of an advantage for me in this profession. I've been through the worst when it comes to taking exams, believe me. And whenever there comes a point in a certain subject where I didn't get a good grade, I just shrug to myself and say that this isn't something new to me at all. I'm not saying that I should leave it that way but if ever the result of that exam won't be good, I know I have to do better next time. I'm not going to feel bad at all and complain so much because I know this feeling already. As shitty as it sounds, that's the truth. I'm not going to be ashamed of failure anymore because one day, they might just be your opportunity to begin again and build your character which will eventually lead you to your success. I remember this quote I read in Tumblr which says that, "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." This I should always bear in mind as I go through this rough path.
I used to hang out late even during the weekdays but now, I find myself thinking twice as to whether or not I should still do that. I learned how to say no when I know I have to study a bunch of provisions for the next day. I learned to give up a few habits of mine so I could still have the energy to read at least a hundred pages of cases and principles when I get home. That's very unusual of me, I thought to myself. Now don't get me wrong, of course I didn't earn a halo all of a sudden. I just started to learn how to know how to limit my other activities and prioritize what needs to be prioritized.
I guess the change really does come in fast when you really want something to work. Or if not, you must really find it within you to force or encourage yourself to change. The change is also about the choices you make. Because if I don't make the right choice, I doubt I will even pass half of the semester. And I'm not saying that I'm not gonna fail anything or what but at least, I am comfortable with the fact that I've tried. And even if my best won't be enough, I know that I did something that I know I'll be proud of no matter what anyone thinks.
Life as of the moment has been great. Even though it feels like a bombshell has been dropped, it also feels like I'm becoming more mature with my choices. But no, you still can't tame the child in me! Hahaha!
So yeah, typing all this stuff calms me. To those of you who read every word, I hope I didn't waste your time. Writing down my thoughts always gives me comfort. Till my next blog!
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