8 KEYS TO A STRONG & HAPPY RELATIONSHIP
7:06 PM
Finally got to write again after a week of final exams and being sick.
Hello! I've been frequently asked about my relationship with Ton lately so here's my take on that. Thank you for giving me the idea of putting it all in on one blog post. Also, with all the news about couples breaking up (Brangelina for example, *cries*), some even after just a month, I think it's a breath of fresh air to write about couples who are still together until now and fighting the good fight. "Love doesn't have an expiration date," as what I could remember from the movie Letters To Juliet. And please let's keep it that way, shall we?
This entry is definitely not limited to those who are in a relationship only. For the single people, who knows? There's no rush but you never know, you might meet that someone anytime soon. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from this blog post.
Hello! I've been frequently asked about my relationship with Ton lately so here's my take on that. Thank you for giving me the idea of putting it all in on one blog post. Also, with all the news about couples breaking up (Brangelina for example, *cries*), some even after just a month, I think it's a breath of fresh air to write about couples who are still together until now and fighting the good fight. "Love doesn't have an expiration date," as what I could remember from the movie Letters To Juliet. And please let's keep it that way, shall we?
This entry is definitely not limited to those who are in a relationship only. For the single people, who knows? There's no rush but you never know, you might meet that someone anytime soon. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from this blog post.
Forgive me, I have my days where I feel like a love guru. I think we all have those moments, right? I've also gathered tips and opinions from some of the happy couples I know. Believe me, no matter how happy a couple may seem, there will always be bad days and no one's an exception to that. In this article, I will write about how to deal with those things and at the same time, how not to lose the spark in your relationship. What works for some relationships will not always work for yours but hopefully, the output here will do wonders for yours.
1. NEVER FORGET THE WORD RESPECT
Respect begets respect. It works both ways. It doesn't matter if you're the girl or the guy, the both of you should never forget to uphold the value of respect in your relationship. Respect is a big word but not everyone practices it. Most people forget about it as time passes by. What do I mean when I say respect? It starts with the little things. Sometimes, when we're already so comfortable with our partner, we forget to say things nicely or at least even say please or thank you to them. These little things may mean little to us but it could still bring an impact to others. Even saying things in a nice tone instead of a demanding tone matters.
Respect between each other should also be practiced not only when you're alone with your partner but even when you're at home or with your friends. For the guys, treat your girl with respect when you're with your homies. Don't yell at her or make her feel like a doormat. The same thing goes for the girls. Don't treat the guy like he's some decoration or something. Try to include him in your conversations with your friends (even though he can't always relate to the topics). The thought here is that it's nice that you're putting an effort in respecting his/her presence. Also, when you're in each other's houses, never forget to show respect to the elders. That's a given. With the right manners, it's gonna bring you a long way.
2. DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OR POST YOUR PROBLEMS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Fighting is actually healthy in a relationship. Yup, I've read that in a lot of articles. I don't get it but psychologically, it is good! Too much fighting is NOT. And broadcasting your whole fight on Facebook is worse. This is definitely a common thing with relationships nowadays. Because we're so vocal with our feelings, sometimes we forget that putting these in public will not do any good to a relationship. Most of the time, it's also gonna worsen everything. I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to express ourselves, it's just that not everything has to be posted on social media. What you post online will affect the way others will look at you and your relationship. If you're open to criticisms, then go ahead but if you don't wanna be judged, then think before advertising your petty fights or issues on Facebook. Trust me, not everyone needs to know about how you broke up because of this and that. There's Messenger or Viber for that, somewhere more private. Talk to your friends if you must rant or better yet, fix things with your partner. Think of it this way, half of the world doesn't care and the rest are just curious.
I like to post my thoughts on social media too but over time, I've learned things do work out better when I share it with a few trusted people only. Putting out your problems in the open will sometimes invite others to "make sawsaw" in your relationship only and you wouldn't want that. Others might even get the wrong impression. Our emotions get the best of us sometimes but we're only human, it's inevitable. There will always be days when we feel like this. The most important thing I've learned from my boyfriend, Ton, is that we should never fight in front of other people. And he's right. THANK GOD HE'S THE MATURE ONE (sometimes haha!). You can fight but do so somewhere where you don't humiliate each other. The less others know, the more happier you'll be.
Real-life couple Paolo Esguerra and Liam May Lacayanga definitely know how to keep the spark in their relationship. Both of them are nurses who work at different hospitals. They're both good friends of mine and Ton. I see them always so happy -- going to the gym, eating out and traveling together. Like whoa, they're basically couple goals! I've always wondered how they make everything work despite their busy schedules and responsibilities. I'm really so grateful that they were so game in sharing what they've learned all throughout their four years so far. All of us could definitely learn a thing or two from this adorable couple!
3. REMEMBER WHAT HAS DRAWN YOU TO YOUR PARTNER
"When I'm asked on how to sustain the spark of a happy relationship, I always think of what draws me to my partner. " Liam shares. "Personally, I'm most drawn to him when he speaks in front of a crowd and everyone is in awe of him as well. When I see him radiant and confident, that's the biggest turn on for me. When I'm at a distance looking at him doing what he's passionate about, this one person who is so familiar to me, so permanent, momentarily becomes a novelty, a mystery. Someone you would want to know more."
I would like to end this long article by saying again that every relationship is different. The length of how you've guys been together will not always be a measure if a couple will really work or not. It's how the both of you handled whatever came your way and stayed with each other despite all of it. It's how you chose to be happy and make it work despite boring or awful days.
Thanks for reading!
1. NEVER FORGET THE WORD RESPECT
Respect begets respect. It works both ways. It doesn't matter if you're the girl or the guy, the both of you should never forget to uphold the value of respect in your relationship. Respect is a big word but not everyone practices it. Most people forget about it as time passes by. What do I mean when I say respect? It starts with the little things. Sometimes, when we're already so comfortable with our partner, we forget to say things nicely or at least even say please or thank you to them. These little things may mean little to us but it could still bring an impact to others. Even saying things in a nice tone instead of a demanding tone matters.
Respect between each other should also be practiced not only when you're alone with your partner but even when you're at home or with your friends. For the guys, treat your girl with respect when you're with your homies. Don't yell at her or make her feel like a doormat. The same thing goes for the girls. Don't treat the guy like he's some decoration or something. Try to include him in your conversations with your friends (even though he can't always relate to the topics). The thought here is that it's nice that you're putting an effort in respecting his/her presence. Also, when you're in each other's houses, never forget to show respect to the elders. That's a given. With the right manners, it's gonna bring you a long way.
2. DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OR POST YOUR PROBLEMS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Fighting is actually healthy in a relationship. Yup, I've read that in a lot of articles. I don't get it but psychologically, it is good! Too much fighting is NOT. And broadcasting your whole fight on Facebook is worse. This is definitely a common thing with relationships nowadays. Because we're so vocal with our feelings, sometimes we forget that putting these in public will not do any good to a relationship. Most of the time, it's also gonna worsen everything. I'm not saying that it's not a good thing to express ourselves, it's just that not everything has to be posted on social media. What you post online will affect the way others will look at you and your relationship. If you're open to criticisms, then go ahead but if you don't wanna be judged, then think before advertising your petty fights or issues on Facebook. Trust me, not everyone needs to know about how you broke up because of this and that. There's Messenger or Viber for that, somewhere more private. Talk to your friends if you must rant or better yet, fix things with your partner. Think of it this way, half of the world doesn't care and the rest are just curious.
I like to post my thoughts on social media too but over time, I've learned things do work out better when I share it with a few trusted people only. Putting out your problems in the open will sometimes invite others to "make sawsaw" in your relationship only and you wouldn't want that. Others might even get the wrong impression. Our emotions get the best of us sometimes but we're only human, it's inevitable. There will always be days when we feel like this. The most important thing I've learned from my boyfriend, Ton, is that we should never fight in front of other people. And he's right. THANK GOD HE'S THE MATURE ONE (sometimes haha!). You can fight but do so somewhere where you don't humiliate each other. The less others know, the more happier you'll be.
 |
"A relationship should have a balance between love and desire. While love addresses the need for security and connection, desire addresses the need for separateness, mystery and adventure." -Liam Lacayanga |
3. REMEMBER WHAT HAS DRAWN YOU TO YOUR PARTNER
"When I'm asked on how to sustain the spark of a happy relationship, I always think of what draws me to my partner. " Liam shares. "Personally, I'm most drawn to him when he speaks in front of a crowd and everyone is in awe of him as well. When I see him radiant and confident, that's the biggest turn on for me. When I'm at a distance looking at him doing what he's passionate about, this one person who is so familiar to me, so permanent, momentarily becomes a novelty, a mystery. Someone you would want to know more."
I definitely share the same sentiments with Liam. As time passes by, we often forget the little things about our partner. We tend to forget what about him or her really made us fall. Now, don't lose that. These little things are sometimes the big things. A relationship can get boring sometimes especially when you've been together for a while already and that commonly happens in every relationship. Perhaps it would be nice if you write down all the things you love about your partner. And at the same time, don't stop doing the things your partner loves you doing. Be consistent. "You have to allow your partner to be the best version of himself and at the same time you have to have the ability to stay connected to yourself and create your own hobbies. Be caring and loving. But stay independent, self-sustaining, and alive. Because neediness is a shutdown. Give your partner familiarity. But also give him novelty. Give your partner predictability. But also give him a surprise. Give your partner security. But also give him mystery. Give your partner love. But also give him desire." Liam adds.
4. COMPROMISE
I've always heard this word in movies. When couples fight, the partner usually asks the other to compromise. What's compromise in the first place? It's simply the art of give and take. Now that we've heard from the point of view of the ladies, the gentlemen have something to say too. "What I’ve realized in our relationship with Liam is that, somehow, we have found a way to move to that parent role, wherein we love because we want to love. We stay with each other because we want to care for each other. We learned to subordinate our comforts to give way for whoever, at any given moment, needs it more. We have learned to compromise." Paolo shares. (I'm getting major kilig feels!)
"And the most important thing, we learned to love ourselves first, more than anything else. Sounds paradoxical right? How can someone be selfless but at the same time, be self-loving? Well, we can’t give what we do not have. If we love our selves first, we are able to reciprocate the love and affection we receive from others." he says. He also shares how he and Liam shares the same passion and focus in their relationship. "They say we only use 10% of our brains, then use 9% of it in being keen to your partner's needs. There’s no exact blueprint to a perfect relationship, and there are no shortcuts. We just have to work for it, and fight for it. And for me, fighting for our relationship is totally worth it."
I've always admired this almost 7-year relationship of Ian Corpin and Paula Juntilla. Just by looking at the both of them, you can really tell how in love they are. In today's society, 6 years and a half of being together is not a joke. I'm sure they've been through a lot as a couple and it's such a comforting thing to realize that love has not yet become a cliche or an overrated word. There's definitely a reason how these teachers have kept their relationship strong and happy until now.
5. PATIENCE, PATIENCE AND MORE PATIENCE
Here we go again with the P word. It's so easy to say and not-so-easy to do, but it's always gonna be there, isn't it? Love tricks us sometimes. Falling in love will always be the easy part but staying in love is the challenge. A lot of things can happen as a couple reaches the 3-year stage or the 7-year phase, so they say. And that's true! As time passes by, it's only natural for human beings like us to unconsciously show things we never knew we'd be comfortable showing to someone else.
"From a boyfriend's perspective, one key ingredient for a lasting relationship is PATIENCE." Ian emphasizes. "Especially in dealing with 'women's logic', there are many things in a woman's mind that a man doesn't know about. The "yes" that means "no", the "okay" that "isn't okay" and the "I'm fine" that means "you're dead". We all fall for these "traps" leading to fights and arguments. But behind all of these, it is where we could see how much love a woman could give, how much Paw could give to me. Kaya, pagpasensyahan na lang natin."
Well, I think he already summed up what the guys want to hear, right?
6. COMPLIMENT, SUPPORT AND BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER
Take down notes, guys! Paula has really expressed very important key notes over here which I definitely think is a MUST for both parties. "Sure it’s easy to tell your girlfriend she looks beautiful but when you say it with her hair pulled back, showing her mala-airport na noo with no make-up on, could already make her day. I think women should do the same for their men, too. Appreciate them for being able to carry heavy things for you or get the tupperware you need from the shelves you could not reach. After all, the “little things” actually matter a lot." Paw shares. Let's not be gender-biased here. After all, it's a two-way thing. If men can do it, why can't women do it too? And vice versa.
"Support each other. She likes to teach? Give her pens and sticky notes. She loves make-up? Buy her an eyeliner or lipstick. He loves music? Go with him on his gigs, and watch him play. He likes to watch weird movies like the Swiss Army Man? Stick with him and watch the whole movie with him. Always show that you got each other’s back and that you support your partner’s interests." she adds. Another thing, HONESTY should always be practiced among the three too. "Honor your relationship by telling each other the truth because once you start lying, you open a room for doubts. Don’t give your partner a reason for him or her not to trust you. Don’t hide anything from your significant other. Honesty should be one of the basic foundations of any relationship. Other guys are flirting with you? Tell your boyfriend. If he finds out from other people, it will only make things worse. After all this time, honesty is and will always be the best policy."
7. SET GOALS TOGETHER
In my case, I find a relationship useless without dreams or goals. My philosophy about love is that it's not just there to make you feel kilig all the time, it's also there to inspire you and make you do things you never thought you could do. Ton and I are very ambitious! When we're not doing anything, we usually talk about what we want to happen in the future. He wants to be a very successful businessman someday while I want to be a lawyer and a fashion designer. (I know, too ambitious, right? But hey, it's better to be ambitious than have no ambitions at all!). What do we do? We help each other reach those goals slowly. He supports me by giving me enough time to study for law school or he accompanies me to coffee shops whenever I have to do "overnight study". I show my support by helping him do his responsibilities at the restaurant he owns and manages. It's actually a win-win situation for both of us. We both get to spend time with each other and we get to help each other with our goals little by little.
Goals do not even have to be limited to such professions. Going to the gym together to achieve your dream bodies is a goal. Saving up together for an international trip is a goal. And the list goes on! Setting goals for yourself is fun but wouldn't it be more beautiful if you get to achieve them with the support of your partner? Those are #relationshipgoals for me.
8. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE
I've actually read a valuable quote once which says "A happy relationship is made up of two good forgivers." I think it summarizes this paragraph best. All the best relationships will not become the best without both parties knowing how to forgive.
"Love doesn’t keep any records of wrong because it always forgives. Others forgive but never forgets, but love forgives AND forgets. It doesn’t remember the offense of others and take it against them because again, love ALWAYS forgives. This is why you need God to be at the center of your relationship. It’s in our human nature to get angry and get too emotional, but with Christ as the center, it’s easier to look at each other’s goodness than the fault and lapses of one another." Paula says.
I think you could say now that I've really saved the best advice for last.
One of the things that keeps me going with writing is when I write about people. I feel so honored to have them share their stories with me and with their blessing, I get to share them with you. One could really learn so much from the experiences of others. This is just one of those things! "And the most important thing, we learned to love ourselves first, more than anything else. Sounds paradoxical right? How can someone be selfless but at the same time, be self-loving? Well, we can’t give what we do not have. If we love our selves first, we are able to reciprocate the love and affection we receive from others." he says. He also shares how he and Liam shares the same passion and focus in their relationship. "They say we only use 10% of our brains, then use 9% of it in being keen to your partner's needs. There’s no exact blueprint to a perfect relationship, and there are no shortcuts. We just have to work for it, and fight for it. And for me, fighting for our relationship is totally worth it."
 |
"Love is already given fact but patience would really do the job." -Ian Corpin |
5. PATIENCE, PATIENCE AND MORE PATIENCE
Here we go again with the P word. It's so easy to say and not-so-easy to do, but it's always gonna be there, isn't it? Love tricks us sometimes. Falling in love will always be the easy part but staying in love is the challenge. A lot of things can happen as a couple reaches the 3-year stage or the 7-year phase, so they say. And that's true! As time passes by, it's only natural for human beings like us to unconsciously show things we never knew we'd be comfortable showing to someone else.
"From a boyfriend's perspective, one key ingredient for a lasting relationship is PATIENCE." Ian emphasizes. "Especially in dealing with 'women's logic', there are many things in a woman's mind that a man doesn't know about. The "yes" that means "no", the "okay" that "isn't okay" and the "I'm fine" that means "you're dead". We all fall for these "traps" leading to fights and arguments. But behind all of these, it is where we could see how much love a woman could give, how much Paw could give to me. Kaya, pagpasensyahan na lang natin."
Well, I think he already summed up what the guys want to hear, right?
6. COMPLIMENT, SUPPORT AND BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER
Take down notes, guys! Paula has really expressed very important key notes over here which I definitely think is a MUST for both parties. "Sure it’s easy to tell your girlfriend she looks beautiful but when you say it with her hair pulled back, showing her mala-airport na noo with no make-up on, could already make her day. I think women should do the same for their men, too. Appreciate them for being able to carry heavy things for you or get the tupperware you need from the shelves you could not reach. After all, the “little things” actually matter a lot." Paw shares. Let's not be gender-biased here. After all, it's a two-way thing. If men can do it, why can't women do it too? And vice versa.
"Support each other. She likes to teach? Give her pens and sticky notes. She loves make-up? Buy her an eyeliner or lipstick. He loves music? Go with him on his gigs, and watch him play. He likes to watch weird movies like the Swiss Army Man? Stick with him and watch the whole movie with him. Always show that you got each other’s back and that you support your partner’s interests." she adds. Another thing, HONESTY should always be practiced among the three too. "Honor your relationship by telling each other the truth because once you start lying, you open a room for doubts. Don’t give your partner a reason for him or her not to trust you. Don’t hide anything from your significant other. Honesty should be one of the basic foundations of any relationship. Other guys are flirting with you? Tell your boyfriend. If he finds out from other people, it will only make things worse. After all this time, honesty is and will always be the best policy."
7. SET GOALS TOGETHER
In my case, I find a relationship useless without dreams or goals. My philosophy about love is that it's not just there to make you feel kilig all the time, it's also there to inspire you and make you do things you never thought you could do. Ton and I are very ambitious! When we're not doing anything, we usually talk about what we want to happen in the future. He wants to be a very successful businessman someday while I want to be a lawyer and a fashion designer. (I know, too ambitious, right? But hey, it's better to be ambitious than have no ambitions at all!). What do we do? We help each other reach those goals slowly. He supports me by giving me enough time to study for law school or he accompanies me to coffee shops whenever I have to do "overnight study". I show my support by helping him do his responsibilities at the restaurant he owns and manages. It's actually a win-win situation for both of us. We both get to spend time with each other and we get to help each other with our goals little by little.
Goals do not even have to be limited to such professions. Going to the gym together to achieve your dream bodies is a goal. Saving up together for an international trip is a goal. And the list goes on! Setting goals for yourself is fun but wouldn't it be more beautiful if you get to achieve them with the support of your partner? Those are #relationshipgoals for me.
8. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE
I've actually read a valuable quote once which says "A happy relationship is made up of two good forgivers." I think it summarizes this paragraph best. All the best relationships will not become the best without both parties knowing how to forgive.
"Love doesn’t keep any records of wrong because it always forgives. Others forgive but never forgets, but love forgives AND forgets. It doesn’t remember the offense of others and take it against them because again, love ALWAYS forgives. This is why you need God to be at the center of your relationship. It’s in our human nature to get angry and get too emotional, but with Christ as the center, it’s easier to look at each other’s goodness than the fault and lapses of one another." Paula says.
I think you could say now that I've really saved the best advice for last.
I would like to end this long article by saying again that every relationship is different. The length of how you've guys been together will not always be a measure if a couple will really work or not. It's how the both of you handled whatever came your way and stayed with each other despite all of it. It's how you chose to be happy and make it work despite boring or awful days.
Thanks for reading!
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