GROWING UP WITH A STRICT DAD
10:13 PM
During my 24 years of existence, I have grown up with strict parents. But between the both of them, I've got a stricter father. There are these eternal struggles of a kid raised by strict parents that not everyone would understand. My father is Alexis Salvacion Quina. He grew up in a town in Misamis Oriental called Balingasag. At an early age, he independently experienced all kinds of struggles in life. Since elementary, he had to go to school and work at the same time for his parents and siblings.
Life had not been a cherry on the top for him until he graduated from Law in Xavier University and passed the bar in 1990. He then entered into politics and became the Vice Mayor and eventually the Mayor of his town which he promised to take care of since he was little. He married my mother, Gilda Lasaca-Quina, and then came me -- his first born.
I was raised by conservative parents when I entered this world. In my elementary years, my life was entirely stuck on home and school and our nanny would be waiting already at the gate for me after class. I wanted to stay for a while and play with my peers but she says, "Dili pwede, uli na daw ka diretso ingon imong Papang." (No, you have to be home immediately because your father said so.)
Life had not been a cherry on the top for him until he graduated from Law in Xavier University and passed the bar in 1990. He then entered into politics and became the Vice Mayor and eventually the Mayor of his town which he promised to take care of since he was little. He married my mother, Gilda Lasaca-Quina, and then came me -- his first born.
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| (c) Aljun Acenas Fermo |
Like almost every teenage girl, I wanted freedom so much and believe me, that was the most important thing in my life since high school. I wanted to be able to stay out late because I had to go home by 5pm already and if there are any school activities, I had only up to 6pm for it. If there are projects to be done overnight, it had to be done at home even if it meant my groupmates have to come home with me to finish it. Those were the rules. No questions. Just obey.
Back then, I envied my friends so much. I was not allowed to go out even to the malls, no sleepovers, not allowed to go home on my own, not allowed to join school affiliations, NO DRINKING, no wearing of sleeveless tops or shorts anywhere I go and definitely NO BOYFRIENDS. When my friends invited me to parties, they'd already expect I'd decline because my Dad equated parties to drinking, drugs or getting pregnant. You're probably thinking he's overreacting but yes, these are the things that only kids with overprotective fathers could relate to.
I was so happy when I celebrated my 18th
birthday. A debut is supposed to be that moment in a young lady's life where
she is introduced to society by her parents because she's now of legal age.
Legal, I repeat. I thought I was going to taste freedom by then but still, I
was stuck to having curfews. Whenever I attended parties, I had to be home by 10pm. It's gotta be a "big thing" if he allows me to stay until 12 midnight and my barkada used to tease me "Cinderella". They've always witnessed how I cried whenever my phone starts to ring. It's always my Dad leaving at least a couple of missed calls and this always left my friends horrified because they were scared of him too. I had to leave the fun because my Dad is waiting with the driver outside to fetch me.
When will I ever be free? When will I ever get away from this boring life? These are the thoughts that always clouded my mind as I sat in the car silently crying. I hated how I've always missed the fun and how I couldn't stay up until the wee hours of the morning. I hated it all.
I tried to turn things around when I reached 3rd year in College. You could say I became the ultimate black sheep. I became a wild child. I was a rebel without a cause. You know the saying that strict parents make the sneakiest children? Yes, that's true. I was living the young, wild and free life for a few years. It was crazily fun at first but at some point, I had to realize that all this has to stop. I had to wake up and contemplate on what I really want to do with my life. I cannot be stuck with this kind of lifestyle forever. The real question is, is all this really worth losing my father's trust in me?
I have to admit that it was difficult. Bad things happened like flunking, ending up at the hospital and losing a few friends during the process. Changing my bad habits won't come easy but I know that it's gonna be worth it. I almost lost hope and I thought I couldn't pull myself together anymore. I thought my loved ones have given up on me. Well, there was one man who never did. Guess who? It was my Dad, my Papang, my stern-looking, non-mushy, strong father who picked me up during the darkest days of my life. I remember him hugging me and telling me to not be afraid, that it's all gonna be okay and that "Naa ra man si Papang,". Those words made me feel the safest in the world. The love of a father is unparalleled. The love of my father has contributed so much to how I look at my life right now. I have used his faith in me to look at the bigger picture. I have to dream big and be stronger so that I can face every struggle ahead.
Don't get me wrong, I was under conservative but fortunate circumstances. My parents loved me and gave me the best they could no matter how strict they were and I'll always be grateful for that. As for what I've learned from all this, it's that we are not our failures or downfalls and I'm so blessed that I have an amazing Dad to show me all that. When your dreams come true or not, I know he'll always be there.
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| The best and longest text message ever from Dad |
My Dad is a simple man. He always tells us to live within our means and to keep our feet on the ground, he values education and public service, and his happiness comes from just being with his wife and children. Until now, he still lectures me about how to get through life and what his parents taught him, we relate to each other about law school now that we have something in common to talk about, and he still makes the weirdest jokes. He adjusted the strings to his protectiveness and now he trusts me to go to parties at an extended hour but he doesn't sleep till I get home. He still calls on my phone a lot and asks me where I am when it's past 6pm. I used to get annoyed about it but right now, I have been treasuring these things more than ever. Here's a message to all kids with strict parents: OUR TIME WILL COME. The time will come that they'll trust us to go on our own (a little) but we have to prove ourselves to them first. We have to be responsible for our actions and we also have to learn from our mistakes. It's not gonna be easy but it's gonna be worth it.
I may have a strict Dad but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love him just the way he is.
Please hug or kiss your Dads for me today. Thank you!
P.S. Happiest Birthday, Pang!
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